The Exploits of Harlequin, London, 1724.

This excerpt from yet another representation of the Faustus Harlequinades includes an absurd conversation between the Ass, the Owl, a Windmill, and the Dragon, all of which were stock figures in the series. The scene, which sets up Harlequin’s first entry on to the stage, represents his fateful signing of the contract in farcical terms. When the Devil promises him all the “Whores of the Universe,” Harlequin Faustus agrees immediately. The scene also depends on exchanges reminiscent of the commedia lazzi, dances, and songs.

The British Stage or, the Exploits of Harlequin, A Farce

As it is Performed by a Company of Wonderful Comedians at both Theatres, with Universal Applause; With all its Original Songs, Scenes, and Machines

Design’d as an After-Entertainment for the Audiences of HARLEQUIN Doctor FAUSTUS, and the NECROMANCER …

Printed for T. Warner at the Black-Boy

In Pater-noster-row. 1724

Enter Ass, Owl, Dragon, and Windmill.

ass: Am not I a proper Representative of this great Metropolis, grown old in Stupidity, and abandoned to all Wit?
owl: Right—you are, my Dear; and ’tis I who represent the British Theater.
ass: My Ears are long and large, and open to all Folly.
owl: And with my Lungs I hollow it out manfully—But prithee now who are those odd Companions of ours yonder?—they appear dreadful—One I see is a Giant, by his stature.
ass: They are very harmless Animals: The Dragon has no Teeth; and the Windmill is a fine Gentleman.
owl: But has not the Dragon a Tail?—Adslife I’m afraid of his Approaches; and then for your fine Gentleman, has he no Cudgel to exercise his gigantic Strength? adad I don’t like the smell of an oaken Towel.
ass: No, no—ha—ha you’re timorous indeed—you’ll soon be convinced your Apprehensions are groundless.
(The Dragon and Windmill advance.)
drag: Your Servant, Gentlemen—a good Morning to ye.
windm: Gentlemen, your Servant—I’m yours most affectionately. [Bowing low.
ass: Do ye see, Mr. Owl, how complaisant these Gentleman behave?—Mr. Dragon and Mr. Windmill, I’m your most obedient Servant.
owl: Gentlemen, I’m your very obedient, obsequious Coxcomb and Servant, and all that—
drag: This Fellow’s a Fop—I’ll teach ye Manners, Mr. Screech-Owl—[Snaps at him.
owl: Pray keep your distance, Mr. Snap-Dragon—I must fly, or I shall lose my Head.—[Running about the Stage.
ass: Well, but how have you employed yourselves of late, Mr. Dragon and Mr. Windmill?
windm: Wondrously advantageous, Sir—Mr. Dragon has been singing for a whole Month together, and I have been dancing like a Jack in the Lanthorn all the time: Every Night of our celebrated Representation, we were honored with an Audience of Fifteen Hundred Persons, and our Pockets of Ready Rino, for our wonderful Performances.
ass: The Judgment of this Town is so very excellent, that I cannot too much applaud it—We now see how Wit flourishes.
drag: Besides my singing, I constantly spit Fire, flew about the Air, mounted a Giant on my Back, and squirted a Dancing-Master at every Fizzel.
ass: Wondrous witty—I’m amazed at the Invention.
windm: Then the Harlequin Conjurer jumped over the Moon, without breaking his Shins—We had Shades that could sing, and Ghosts which could dance; Puppets that were Men and Men who were Puppets: And as to my Part, it was so exceeding dexterous that all People were amazed, and ushered me in with the loudest Applauses.
ass: Adzooks I would not give a Farthing for a Play without a Windmill in it—Methinks there’s so much Wit in it, that the Author of it deserves a Statue of Brass.
drag: You’re right—What is a Play without a Windmill?—Then there must be a Dragon, or the drama will not be complete.
owl: And an Owl too, to furnish proper Music—Observe the Harmony of this Voice.—[Hollows.
ass: Excellent!—Surely this is the politest Age of the World; it so suits my elegant Inclinations, that I bless and hug myself with the thoughts of coming into Life at a time so gallant.
owl: Have done—Here comes Mr. Harlequin the Conjurer.

Enter Harlequin, skipping about

harl: What are you, pray Sir?—[To the Ass.
ass: I’m Mr. Dennis’s Ass—I am the Town, Mr. Conjurer.
harl: Well answered—You’re my Friend—But who are you, Sir?—[To the Owl.
owl: I am a sort of Creature called an Owl—Ha—ha—ha—I’m the Stage, Sir—
harl: Then you are my Master; I respect you, Sir.—Pray your Name?—[To the Dragon.
drag: I am your Dragon, the Dragon-maker, Sir—and your most humble Servant—
harl: Very well—Yours, Sir?—[To the Windmill.
windm: My Name, Sir—is Mr. Windmill, at your Ingenuity’s Service.
harl: ’Tis all right—Mr. Ass and Mr. Owl, you must submit to be transformed; but as for you, Mr. Dragon and Mr. Windmill, it will be necessary you should retain your natural Shapes, to add to our Entertainment which is now beginning—But hold, Pluto and his Attendants are advancing; they must first be received—

Enter the Devil, and the Shades of Several beautiful Women.

dev: Here, sign this Contract, Faustus, and all the Whores of the Universe are yours.
harl: His Terms are good—agreed my Friend—[He signs the Contract.
dev: Here, take this Wand—[Giving him a small Stick] and you’re then installed with a Demon’s Power—Now, Sir—I have you in my Net [Aside]—Beauties fly to the Plutonian Shades.—[Shades vanish.
harl: Ah!—am I so soon deceived?—
dev: You are, my Son—Ha—ha—I’ll sing ye a Song, and leave you. [Sings.

You stand upon loose Fair Ground,
Where Bumpers of Sulphur go round;
Let all Men adore
Great Pluto’s Power;
The whole Face of the Earth let Darkness surround,
And Bumpers of Sulphur, of Sulphur abound.

[Sinks with Fire and Smoak.

harl: I’m bit, I find—but I’ll go on and make use of that time Fate has allotted me.
drag: Permit me to sing, Mr. Conjurer—I’ve a Song will diver your Melancholy; and its Wit is perfectly monder—
harl: Let’s have it, Mr. Dragon—Sing it with a Grace.
drag: I will, Sir—[The Dragon sings.]

The Windmill and Dragon
What Age past can brag on?
Was Ever such Pleasure before?
A Dragon to sing,
And yet to be on wing,
And all Men this Scene to adore:
This is Pleasure,
Without measure;
Was ever such Pleasure before?

harl: An excellent Song!—
owl: I must act my Part too—Let me have my polite Song, Mr. Satan—Hem—hem—ha—[Sings.]

A Boy and Girl lay close together,
In frost and snowy Weather,
The Boy got up,
And took a Cup,
The Girl cried do it,
He fell to it;
O! dainty fine Sport,
To please the Country, the Town, and the Court.

windm: My Voice is too hoarse for a Song, but I’ll dance ye a Jig, if Mr. Dragon and Mr. Owl will favor me with their Music.
drag: We will, Sir—

[They sing, the Windmill dances.]
ass: This is an Entertainment indeed—Ha—ha—ha—A Windmill to dance, and a Dragon sing—Ha—ha—.